What is Regret:
Regret is one of the most challenging emotions we experience as humans. It’s the fear and burden that we’ve done something wrong. And because it’s the past, we can’t do anything to change it now.
When we are in the throes of regret, we feel stuck in the past. It leads to spiraling thoughts, rumination, negative thinking, and harsh self-criticism. We unconsciously filter our present and future through the lens of wishing we could’ve done something different. We fear repeating the same mistakes.
This can feel quite paralyzing and overwhelming, with no resolve in sight. It often impacts our relationships, quality of life, health, and, most importantly, our relationship with ourselves.
Regret- when left unchecked, unconscious, and unwielded- is a huge energy suck. It does nothing constructive or productive for your personal growth.
How to Overcome Regret:
This might be hard to hear. While it’s hugely uncomfortable to feel regret, it’s a normal and natural part of being human (much like setbacks and regression), and we need this experience because it helps us grow.
The issue here is not that you feel regret. Rather, you don’t know what to do with it when it shows up.
Learning how to navigate regret is an essential life skill. There are effective ways to work through it, digest it, dissolve it, integrate it, and prevent it from visiting unchecked in the future. You don’t have to stay stuck in it for prolonged periods.
Here’s a key tool I teach my clients.
Regret is always correlated to something that happened in the past when we were a less wise, skilled, mature, and conscious version of ourselves.
At the time, I’ll bet that you did the best you could with what you had and where you were at that point in your life.
It’s only now, from this current vantage point of being a more evolved, experienced, and aware version of yourself, that you look back and say, “Damn, I wish I did that differently.” But there’s no way you could’ve done it differently at that time; otherwise, you would have.
The only reason you can have the insight of wishing you did it better is because you’re looking back on the past event with an expanded perspective. Hindsight is always 20/20. We see things more clearly with some distance.
This one shift transforms your entire perspective in an instant.
If you can look back at that former version of yourself with gratitude, compassion, and acceptance, you’ve just changed the whole landscape.
If you can reflect on the situation with gratitude and acceptance, you’ve changed how you orient to that experience. Whether or not you can track it or connect the dots, this experience that you hold regret for has paved your path. It has led you to where you are today, giving you what’s necessary for your evolution.
We get what we need, not always what we want. We have experiences that shape us, wake us up, show us a different path, and give us exactly what we need.
Instead of holding on to the regret and getting lost in how things would or could look different, “if only…,” you look back with gratitude because it unfolded precisely how it was supposed to for your highest good and soul’s growth.
The tricky thing about personal growth.
You have to make sure the process doesn’t trip you up. As you learn, grow, and evolve, it can get really easy to look back and beat up the former versions of yourself. This does nothing useful and serves no purpose except to keep you stuck in a loop of harsh self-criticism and negative self-talk. This type of mindset prevents you from being able to continue moving forward.
Keep your self-talk clean and your thoughts intentional.
Direct your focus to the things that support, uplift, and inspire you. Use your mind as a tool to guide your personal development path. Look back on everything with full appreciation for all the lessons it ushered in. This is the ultimate game-changer.
If you want to change your life, you must change your perspective.
The next time you have thoughts or feelings of regret, remember to use this tool to shift your awareness in the moment.
Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and trust the process.
Want guidance on implementing a more positive mindset and overcoming regret? I’m here to support you. Click here to schedule a complimentary Discovery Coaching Call. Also, Soul Path Membership is coming up! Click here to learn more about this online personal and spiritual development hub!